When I talk to other men who have gone through a divorce the conversation quickly turns into a “who’s-ex-is-worse” war.
“I hate that B*^ch!” they’ll say about the woman they built a life with.
Sure, when my wife and I first separated, I had the same sentiment.
But I decided to call this stupid conversation what it is: the pain of rejection.
I’d spent more than 20 years building a life, raising kids, giving everything I had to my ex-wife—the rejection that it wasn’t enough was numbing.
Bury the pain. Down deep. Call it her fault.
That way, you won’t have to face the truth. The pain has little to with her, it has everything to do with my own inadequacies, insecurities, fears.
Blaming her, joining in on the “I hate that b*^ch talk” does nothing for you. It definitely doesn’t help you make a comeback.
The only way to make a comeback is to change your view. Stop looking at your ex-wife and what she may have done (or not done) to you. Instead, look at the most incredible people in your life. The people you wouldn’t have without her—your kids.
And they deserve the best version of their dad. They deserve a dad who doesn’t contribute to finger-pointing conversations.
Just because you’ve been through a terrible divorce—and I believe you, your divorce was terrible—you don’t get a free pass to be a sucky dad.
Next time you’ve found yourself in the middle of a “who’s-ex-is-worse” war, stop. Change your view, take responsibility for who you can be: a man who has defied the odds and made an incredible comeback.